I've been in something of a chronometric funk this week, from roving around Budapest to the wildest ride back through a lightning storm since Billy Shatner spotted Nick Cravat leering at him from the wing of a plane in flight. From that, to diving wide-eyed, i.e. eyes taped wide-open, into Grand Theft Auto IV to play nonstop through coffee-kept nights. Or are they days? Hey, it's 8 am...who's ready for a steak?
My rhapsodic review of Grand Theft Auto IV.
Close my eyes and I see brownstones and bypasses cascading by in inky, eerie parallax. I've driven a thousand miles (and as Charlie and Craig Reid of the Proclaimers might sing it, walked 500 more). I've seen a million faces, and while I haven't rocked them all, I've certainly shot (or been shot at by) my fair share of strung out carpet patrollers in search of cookies, biscuits, and boulders. I'm scum too, by the way, likable as I am compared to Claude "the kid" Fido (or whatever the heck his name was) in Grand Theft Auto III. I've been shot at, run over, pistol-whipped, and burned out of my rathole flat. I've shot at, run over, baseball-bat-pummeled, and torched half this city, and despite my near-deaths and incarcerations, all I've got to show is a clean bill of health and a pile of cash the hospital bill can't make a dent in. I haven't actually cheated on my girl Michelle yet, but I have personal solicits out at the local internet dive (called TW@ and just look at all the sites) and my friends keep phoning me to party at the local strip joint over by St. Mark's (filled, I'm sure, with liquor soused, depressed, naked single moms).
I love this life. Sure, it's a fiction, but like the shrewdest satire, it has a gusty, angry, mocking undercurrent that's cathartic gold for someone like me -- just an average, ordinary guy who sees all the best and worst this country has on loan. The American Dream? You'd think a game like Grand Theft Auto IV wouldn't get it, but it's there, schizoid as all get out, but there nevertheless, lurking anywhere you care to linger, reminding us we are what we're up to, even if it's nothing like what we aspire to be.
Enjoy your next 48 hours with GTA IV, and as David Lynch might say, keep your eye on the doughnut, not on the hole.
Re-Play
Fearless or feckless? Have your say below or pelt me with emails here.
I've been working on my relationship with Michelle...but I can't help but think that no matter what happens...she's not going to be happy when she discovers how much crime I've been involved in. And she seems to be getting tired of the cabaret on our dates. But I love the blues singing woman who seems to be fixated on getting a sex change.
----spoiler alert----
michelle betrayed me and lied to me! i'm heartbroken. she wont pick up my phone calls either. time to go internet dating...
gotta love the thousand dollar suits.
driving drunk in a stolen police car is tough.
anyone wanna play online? my friends are never on when i'm on.
maybe i should beat the game first.
i'm sad theres no nudity at the strip clubs. but i guess the 3rd strip dance with the 2 girls almost makes up for it.